"The Fiona Apple of Comedy"

I’m a pilot!

Back in the ‘olden days’ of plane travel, I got to sit in the pilot’s seat of the 747 taking my family to Disney World and fly the plane for over a minute.

The reason I didn’t add quotes to ‘flying the plane’ is because I actually did fly it.

I was supposed to just sit there, but instead, I yanked the wheel, disengaging the autopilot and rolling the plane almost 23 degrees. All sorts of lights and alarms went off, I heard a collective scream from the cabin and the co-pilot, “Jerry,” yelling “get that little asshole out of here!”

Well, I held on to that stick with all the strength in my little boy heart but it wasn’t enough for two grown men raining closed-fist blows upon my still-developing skull.

They literally threw my limp body out of the cockpit and made an emergency landing in Charlotte.

When I finally healed from my wounds, we had to drive the rest of the way to Disney World because I was banned from plane travel for 3 months.

 The reason you probably never heard about this is because Delta made my family sign a 30 year NDA in exchange for a large cash settlement and our silence.

That day was July 27, 1990, so I am finally able to tell my story.

If you were on my flight, feel free to chime in oabout your experience in the comments section below!!

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