The Downfall of Amy Poehler!

By Eric Filipkowski, April 16, 2014

So my friend Amy* gets a job hawking dresses for Old Navy, she stars as a big shot attorney at a law firm:

Now she’s on a new one, no more lawyer job, she’s taking lunch orders as a cashier at a Chipotle-esque burrito joint:

Now am I the only one who wants to know what the hell happened to her character to cause her such a dramatic employment downturn?

Was she fired for her unprofessional behavior; abruptly leaving to buy some pants and hiring an assistant with dubious qualifications?

I’ve seen a few movies and TV shows about lawyers and they are usually pretty lax about that stuff. Can you really picture her getting fired if she worked with Ally Mcbeal? I once saw Calista Flockhart dropkick a midget. And it was a kid midget! You leave to buy some slacks and they’re probably gonna call you employee of the month and give you a raise.

No, I fear it was something more sinister. Like she was having an affair with the head of the law firm and she got pregnant and then got an abortion without telling him because she was engaged to the district attorney.

Now that is something that would get you fired!

Plus, if she just got regular fired, she would just get another job at a different lawyer place. But if her boss was so pissed off she aborted his kid without telling him because she was already engaged to a DA, not only would her boss tell every other head lawyer guy not to hire her, if her fiancee got wind of her shenanigans, he would probably levy criminal mischief charges against her to get her disbarred so she couldn’t be a lawyer lady anywhere else.

Come to think of it, I am almost 100% sure this is what happened. If you’ve got any better theories, feel free to share them, dipshit, because I don’t see you doing anything!

*not actually my friend.